I never would have imagined that the last 18 months would turn out the way they have. I was thinking this evening about all that has happened and was almost in shock that I’ve made it through with some sort of sanity left. Sometimes I catch myself saying, “I don’t know how we got through that–” and then I stop myself. DUH! There’s only one possible explanation, and that’s the grace of Jesus.
I’ve said before that I am in no way an ‘expert’ at dealing with tragedy or emotions. In fact, I really don’t believe there is a ‘right way’ to deal with the loss of a baby, or any other tragedy for that matter. People respond differently and need to mourn at their own pace. However, I will say that there is one action we MUST do when dealing with tragedy: trusting the name of Jesus and believing that His sovereign plans are better than ours. I know that the only way I have been able to get through the past year has been to believe that He is still holding me, He will never leave me, and this is all part of a beautiful story that will all come together one day.
Just to summarize, here are my past 18 months in a nutshell….
- January 2014- began trying to start a family
- July 2014- 1st miscarriage
- December 2014- one of my students was diagnosed with cancer
- April 2015- husband had shoulder surgery & my adorable nephew was born
- May 2015- 2nd miscarriage
- June 2015- Nicaragua mission trip that completely wrecked me
- July 2015- fertility surgery
- August 2015- fell and chipped 4 teeth, fractured my jaw, and got stitches in my chin
Would I have written my story like that? Heck no. I’d be lying if I said there weren’t days when I hated my situation and wished everything could be different. But this is my story. This is the story that God is writing for me. And I choose to embrace it, trusting wholeheartedly that He has bigger plans for me, and this is all part of something much greater than I could ever write for myself.